Hard Decisions

I was lying on the settee, munching crackers and flicking through a magazine when I discovered an article featuring abs. I was told that perfect abs would improve my sex life, besides of distracting from the worn out speedos:

• Increased Stamina
  The thrusting power I have to generate during sex has to come from the core. Strong abdominal and lower-back muscles give the necessary strength
• Better Erections
  Increased fat equals decreased bloodflow, decreased bloodflow equals softer (or no) erections. Avoid this downspin.
• Increased Length
  The fat at the base of a man's abdomen cover up the base of his penis. Losing fat will add up length.

Unfortunately, my father did not inherit all of his features to me. He's in his eighties and has been told by his doctor that he's got still more muscles than most twenty year old blokes.

Sounds like a lot of work is waiting. No more cracker munching and lying around on settees. Or shall I just give up the magazine flicking.